Marriage- An institution which needs to be redefined?

It’s a question which begs for a debate. How relevant is this centuries old institution in the modern times, where, egos have become fragileler and personal ambition supersedes everything else. Where, ‘success at all costs’ seems to be the credo and ‘relationships’ are sacrificed at the ‘altar’ of ‘success’.

The all-american consumerism is seeping into modern India. No dream is too distant now. The incomes are soaring, our standard of living has improved, we are no longer a ‘impoverished’ nation, which we were almost a decade and a half back, when, the then congress-led government had to usher in economic reforms to prevent India from falling into a debt trap.

Since then , there has been no looking back for India and Indians. We have tapped into our huge ‘human resource’ pool and turned a potential’ roadblock’ ( read population explosion) into a opportunity. The services sector ( BPOs and ITES) employ more graduates then any other industry and there is only one way the economy can and will head- northwards. This, inspite,of the political uncertainty and other problems that still plague this nation.

So if indeed we are progressing and growing economically, why is satisfaction in our personal lives eluding us? Inspite much higher disposable incomes and all the ‘trappings’ that comes with ‘more money’, we are struggling to find peace and stability in our married lives.

The answer in part , lies in the fact, that the Indian woman, has donned a new avatar. She is no longer the meek and submissive house-wife, who was content, being a mother , a home-maker , and someone who would always pander to the male ego and happy playing the ‘second’ fiddle to her ‘MAN’. The modern-day woman, is a career-oriented financially independent , who is breaking free of the traditional shackles, and asserting herself , in what was, till some time back, a man’s world. She is no longer content being a ‘house-wife ‘ or a ‘ home maker’..she is demanding ‘her pound of flesh’ so to speak and her place in the sun. The socio-economic order is changing in India. And , women, are at the fore – front of this change.

But why is this socio-economic upheaval making Indian men frantic? The reason is because, even though women have made a smooth transition from donning the apron in the kitchen to calling the shots in the boardroom, sadly, men have remained laggards. Traditionally, the bread-winners of the family, find themselves in a situation, where, just earning a fat salary every month will not ensure a stable married life. Men who have been conditioned since a young age to believe that, it’s a ‘mans world’ out there, are finding it difficult to adapt to the change in the woman’s psyche.




While women have broken the glass ceiling and are now marching shoulder-2- shoulder with men, the so-called ‘stronger’ sex is getting jitters about their ‘terrain’ being taken over by women. Robbed off his traditional role as the sole ‘bread-winner’, the Man is facing, a identity crises of sorts. Today a woman is demanding; she expects to be a equal partner in a marriage and not get treated like a ‘door’ mat or a ‘trophy’ wife.
Their financial independence means that, they no longer are willing to compromise ‘ everytime’, in order to sustain a relationship. They rather walk out of a relationship ( read divorce) , then continue with a dead relationship.

The woman is more content today, except for a traditional society, that stigmatizes single women/men, being single and independent. But if she decides to settle down, she rather bide her time and meet a Man, who is Man enough not to feel insecure around a successful woman.
She wants to see a strength of character in her man; A man who doesn’t believe in stereotypes, who sees a woman, as his equal in every sense and who respects a woman’s individuality and sense of independence. A man, who is willing to lend her support, encouragement in her endeavors and is willing to shoulder his part of the bargain , by being a good home -maker too. ( after all, it wouldn’t hurt to brush up your culinary skills and toilet –train the kids, would it?). The modern careers are as demanding for women as they are for the men. So, men , who understand the demands of a modern career , can prove to be a good life partner.

Women are mutli-faceted; they have been conditioned and groomed to be ‘ home-makers’. So, for them , doing a balancing act, between a ‘career’ and married life, is not that up-hill a task. On the other hand, a man, who has always been largely a one-dimensional being, is not quite willing to accept any change from the routine. He has hardly done anything more than playing the role of a bread-winner This is especially true in a patriarchal society, such as ours, where a male child is still favoured over a girl child.

Also the women have to deal with the jealously factor. When a woman’s job demands her to put in late hours at work, she is shirking her household responsibilities but for a Man , this is a norm. Infidelity is a pardonable sin as far as a Man is concerned; but if a woman is caught even harmlessly flirting with a male colleague, she would be labeled as a ‘loose’ woman. So given the double standards and the stifling atmosphere under which women survive, the least they can expect from their life-partners is their undaunted support.

Between a man and a woman, the woman is far more emotionally stronger and hence, her survival instincts are more robust then that of a man. So, the question to ask is, whether, the Indian Man will evolve and do his bit to uphold this age-old institution of marriage. Will he develop the gumption to stand by his woman’s successes and yet not feel threatened by them? Will he recognize and accept his new role in this changing socio-economic order, of not just being a bread-winner but also, a part-home maker?
Until then, women, would have to be content with half-baked versions of the so-called ‘alfa male’ and ask that perennial question “where have all the good men gone?”